Every once in a while, we here at lawsonsyucatan.com feature a guest griper who has a fresh and illuminating take on everyday life in the city we all love and find so, well, interesting.
Today’s contribution is from Coach Anita P. Beale; you may already know her! She hangs out in the mercado grande early mornings and is visited by many a local after a weekend night of partying. About 5 AM, when everyone is drunk or coming down from a drunk, they will announce “Vamos por Coach Anita! ”
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The following is my account of my day at TelCel on Saturday…
I ordered my iPhone today… how exciting! It was a tedious affair of driving to one of only four authorized Telmex iPhone outlets at Alta Brisa Mall, checking in at the check in desk, standing in a long and very pedestrian line, and then finally getting permission to go to one of the 40 desk/booths to interface with some kid. Here are some of the highlights of the exchange, let’s see how it went, shall we?:
*Good afternoon, I’d like to discuss the purchase of an iPhone.
*well, we have a lot of different plans, do you know which one you want?
*yes, a friend told me all about her plan, and I would like what she has so I am prepared.
*do you want this in your personal name or the name of your corporation?
*name of the corporation please. (maybe we could get a tax credit or something)
*well it takes 5 days working to get it as a regular citizen and por lo menos twice that for the corporation, and we will need your acta constructiva, original and copies, bills for the last 2 years, originals and copies, taxes paid, names and signatures of each officer, signed form from the accountant of the corporation.
*never mind, just as a real live person.
*we need three character witnesses and their addresses and land-line phones, no cel phones, even though that’s what you are buying.
*didn’t have their addresses so made them up, Juanita had told me that they needed land lines so had those numbers with me, however they asked her for two, and now need three! Good thing I added an extra one to be safe (I guess I’ve lived here long enough to anticipate). They need land line numbers because of course one can’t trust cel phones at TelCel celular phone company.
*”representative” fidgeted constantly, rocking back and forth and up and down like he was comin’ offa crack or something. Cleaned glasses a minimum of 9 times. I do believe he farted twice as well.
*will I be able to keep my old phone number? Yes! But not if you want to keep your old phone.
*all names/numbers will be wiped out of your old phone before we activate your new phone, best to write everything down on a piece of paper. (Now wait just a minute… I can’t see that happening in San Francisco or London or Tokyo… do they ask them to do that there too?)
*May I see phone? See how it works?
*there’s one on display, but I’ll have to help someone else in line while you look, and you’ll have to wait until they are done before I can help you again…
*plus that one in display is out of battery and is a black screen anyway so there is nothing for you to see
*may I see the white one?
*no, all phones are sealed in boxes and only opened if you buy it.
*do you have any white ones in stock
*I don’t know, I would have to go in the stockroom and check.
*it doesn’t show that on your screen?
*no.
*would you check please?
*yes, but it will be around 5 minutes or so while I rummage through the stock room
*I want white, I think, please check and I will twiddle my thumbs while you check
*5 minutes*
*yes! we have white, but you can’t see it… do you want it?
*I guess.
*is all info correct on this sheet?
*well, it is Juanita, not Judith
*rips up page and throws in trash dramatically
*OK, is everything correct?
*well, Heitke is my apellido, not my nombre
*rips up page and throws in trash dramatically
*is everything correct?
*street is between 65 and 67, not 65 and 77
*rips up page and throws in trash dramatically
*is everything correct?
*my birthday is in July, not June
*rips up page and throws in trash dramatically
*is everything correct now?
*yes, it is!
*it will take 5 days to process your request, where should we call you?
*my home phone or cel phone number
*but your cel number will be disconnected by us, so we can’t call that and rules clearly state that we have to have two numbers. I cannot go forward without this information
*but you won’t disconnect it UNLESS my dossier comes through Interpol as a go, right?
*we will call your cel number
*would you like to pay by cash or credit card each month?
*credit card
*oh, your credit card isn’t a national one, is it?
*no, it is from the usa, but I use it every single day here in Merida
*I have to go check, this may take a while
*a while*
*computer says no.
*so would you like to pay by cash or credit card each month, but with a Mexican credit card?
*I don’t have a Mexican credit card, so cash, I will physically go to your office every single stinkin’ month to pay.
*OK, I think I have everything, that is all. You will be contacted if you are eligible.
*will I be contacted if I am NOT eligible?
*no