Coach Anita’s iPhone@TelCel Trials and Tribulations

Every once in a while, we here at feature a guest griper who has a fresh and illuminating take on everyday life in the city we all love and find so, well, interesting.

Today’s contribution is from Coach Anita P. Beale; you may already know her! She hangs out in the mercado grande early mornings and is visited by many a local after a weekend night of partying. About 5 AM, when everyone is drunk or coming down from a drunk, they will announce “Vamos por Coach Anita!


The following is my account of my day at TelCel on Saturday…

I ordered my iPhone today… how exciting! It was a tedious affair of driving to one of only four authorized Telmex iPhone outlets at Alta Brisa Mall, checking in at the check in desk, standing in a long and very pedestrian line, and then finally getting permission to go to one of the 40 desk/booths to interface with some kid. Here are some of the highlights of the exchange, let’s see how it went, shall we?:

*Good afternoon, I’d like to discuss the purchase of an iPhone.

*well, we have a lot of different plans, do you know which one you want?

*yes, a friend told me all about her plan, and I would like what she has so I am prepared.

*do you want this in your personal name or the name of your corporation?

*name of the corporation please. (maybe we could get a tax credit or something)

*well it takes 5 days working to get it as a regular citizen and por lo menos twice that for the corporation, and we will need your acta constructiva, original and copies, bills for the last 2 years, originals and copies, taxes paid, names and signatures of each officer, signed form from the accountant of the corporation.

*never mind, just as a real live person.

*we need three character witnesses and their addresses and land-line phones, no cel phones, even though that’s what you are buying.

*didn’t have their addresses so made them up, Juanita had told me that they needed land lines so had those numbers with me, however they asked her for two, and now need three! Good thing I added an extra one to be safe (I guess I’ve lived here long enough to anticipate). They need land line numbers because of course one can’t trust cel phones at TelCel celular phone company.

*”representative” fidgeted constantly, rocking back and forth and up and down like he was comin’ offa crack or something. Cleaned glasses a minimum of 9 times. I do believe he farted twice as well.

*will I be able to keep my old phone number? Yes! But not if you want to keep your old phone.

*all names/numbers will be wiped out of your old phone before we activate your new phone, best to write everything down on a piece of paper. (Now wait just a minute… I can’t see that happening in San Francisco or London or Tokyo… do they ask them to do that there too?)

*May I see phone? See how it works?

*there’s one on display, but I’ll have to help someone else in line while you look, and you’ll have to wait until they are done before I can help you again…

*plus that one in display is out of battery and is a black screen anyway so there is nothing for you to see

*may I see the white one?

*no, all phones are sealed in boxes and only opened if you buy it.

*do you have any white ones in stock

*I don’t know, I would have to go in the stockroom and check.

*it doesn’t show that on your screen?


*would you check please?

*yes, but it will be around 5 minutes or so while I rummage through the stock room

*I want white, I think, please check and I will twiddle my thumbs while you check

*5 minutes*

*yes! we have white, but you can’t see it… do you want it?

*I guess.

*is all info correct on this sheet?

*well, it is Juanita, not Judith

*rips up page and throws in trash dramatically

*OK, is everything correct?

*well, Heitke is my apellido, not my nombre

*rips up page and throws in trash dramatically

*is everything correct?

*street is between 65 and 67, not 65 and 77

*rips up page and throws in trash dramatically

*is everything correct?

*my birthday is in July, not June

*rips up page and throws in trash dramatically

*is everything correct now?

*yes, it is!

*it will take 5 days to process your request, where should we call you?

*my home phone or cel phone number

*but your cel number will be disconnected by us, so we can’t call that and rules clearly state that we have to have two numbers. I cannot go forward without this information

*but you won’t disconnect it UNLESS my dossier comes through Interpol as a go, right?

*we will call your cel number

*would you like to pay by cash or credit card each month?

*credit card

*oh, your credit card isn’t a national one, is it?

*no, it is from the usa, but I use it every single day here in Merida

*I have to go check, this may take a while

*a while*

*computer says no.

*so would you like to pay by cash or credit card each month, but with a Mexican credit card?

*I don’t have a Mexican credit card, so cash, I will physically go to your office every single stinkin’ month to pay.

*OK, I think I have everything, that is all. You will be contacted if you are eligible.

*will I be contacted if I am NOT eligible?


15 thoughts on “Coach Anita’s iPhone@TelCel Trials and Tribulations

  1. My story was almost exactly the same with the added benefit of one of my references (who has known me for 7 years at least) being called at 11.30 pm. When the person at Telcel said, “This is Telcel calling and we want to know if you can confirm that you know…” my friend, half asleep and furious, shouted, “I don’t know anybody!” and hung up. Fortunately, Telcel called me the next day to tell me that my friend denied knowing me (!!!) and so I was able to call her and ask her to change her story (ha ha!) when they called her back. Can’t wait to hear how yours turns out. If they turn you down, I know someone who can accompany you when you storm in to appeal your case.

  2. As I remember it, they were much nicer to me but that was over 2 years ago and I went to Gran Plaza not Altabrisa. They also took my US AMEX card for payment and they are still charging my fees to it, it may be just foreign Visa that they don’t take.

    I will be going back in Sept for a new iPhone, another adventure.

  3. Thanks for stopping by Juanita and Jonna! Jonna, you are right, that Coach Anita is one greasy pig. 🙂

  4. Thanks for sharing Ms P. Beale’s story! Loved it, made me think of you and your -also- fab writings!

  5. I love this story……it puts the humor into the frustrating experiences that come our way. Best if we keep stories like these in mind when embarking on a new adventure.

  6. William, I don’t know coach Anita , can u explain to me? Also happy for owner of iPhone 3gs, I got white one 32 GB. I get 25% off my plan from At&t bc my hospital. I love it except apple does not suppot flash player so if y used bill gate guy, y will disappoint about that other than that it is the best purchase items except my Chanel bags. I know I have a issues about bland name but i grew up with that environment & I rather have real nice one than lots stuff. So please forgive me if I am offend you. My husband said he lost his wife to Steve job. Walter does not like apple product at all. But I told him it is not fair y like bill gate why not Steve job both control & monopoly all USA market so I said I am grown woman & I am earning the money I do not need your permission, dear. My iPhone is my best friend & I don’t need computer anymore. I do most reading your expat blogs anytime, I am in my bed doing Internet banking paying bill, face book, watch CNN & any tv station & financial stock I don’t even watch tv anymore. Also gs model y can do video, iPod also application you do not need iPod. Now most my friends got 4g iPhone just realse but they are not happy bc still lots of issues. If y have wireless N standard @ home, it’s really fast wifi connection. I use my Mexico house no problems also. Maybe y might have to used to touching but u will get used to it. Well, hope y will enjoy like me. I love it. Enjoy!!!!

  7. Juanita, tx, I know chochinita, my hubby, Walter got me satuday early morning santa Ana park one rest. I don’t like fat so just get the special & I put bunch habanero peppers mixed with it, it is delicious. It’s similar north Carolina barbeque. Tx for the silly words I didn’t know but I know now tx. Suk

  8. Haha thats hillarious! Something similar happened to me but at Iusacell… it seems like they coach them in order to be annoying and clueless with customers.
    Great blog!

  9. Just to complete my saga, it took until the 5th working day (but then agent did advise me of that!) but I have my iPhone. Actually the tramites were “ready” the end of the day on the 3rd working day, but my special agent told me that he then enjoyed two days off, and since he and only he could help me, I waited.

    I went in to the Telcel office at noon on the 5th working day, not having heard anything from anyone, none of my carefully cultivated references having been contacted, and of course agent was assisting others at the time, asked me to wait, 45 minutes went by… for him to then tell me that I had been approved, and everything would be ready that afternoon and could I come back around 4pm. So waited until nearly 1pm to be told to come back at 4pm.

    Anyway, at 4pm, stamp, sign, stamp, sign, get in line to pay, stamp, clean glasses, sign, stamp, sign, jiggle, initial, sign, stamp, clean glasses, initial, sign, jiggle, stamp, stamp, stamp… and at 5pm I finally got the chance to see the phone in white. Fin.

  10. Congratulations…and enjoy! Those of us who already have this “object of desire” know you will love it as much as we do. I know it will be worth the wait! 🙂

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