Casual Movie Critic – The Expendables (Including The Movie)

Another film in theaters now here in sunny Merida.

When I was younger, I always thought it would be great to have all the action movie guys together in one movie. When I was younger.

Now that it has finally happened, the result is so bad as to be unwatchable. Unless you are one of those people who say ‘I paid to sit here and I am damn well going to stay here until the bitter end’, you will probably get up about 1/3 of the way through to just plain leave the theater.

I suspect that the fact that Sylvester Stallone directed, and I use the term loosely and generously, this rotten piece of celluloid, as well as receiving writing credit for it, is the reason it is so very very crappy. From the ridiculous gratuitous violence and the Rambo style shootouts where the good guys hit everyone and the bad guys can’t aim to the cartoonish and cliche South American dictator and his minions who speak Spanish with an American accent to the ‘beautiful’ latina heroine who single-handedly leads the oppressed villagers, to the ancient (how old ARE these actors now??) Stallone, Willis, Lundgren et al acting like they are in their 20’s, The Expendables is so stupidly bad on so many levels that it is difficult to process.

Unfortunately it is not funny bad, where you could at least laugh uproariously at the screen, but bad bad, where you just sit numbly until your brain explodes and you have to leave.

This movie is entirely expendable. Do not waste your money, time or neurons on this one. It is truly the worst movie I have been in the presence of in a long, long time.

5 thoughts on “Casual Movie Critic – The Expendables (Including The Movie)

  1. You are right. I did not watch any good movies lately. So I like to watch old I guess 4 or 5 yrs old movies. If I am down I like to watch “someting gotta give” if I want to cry “the bridge of Madison county” when I watched that movie I cried so much my eyes was swollen. And I like “devil wear Prada” bc I love fashion & designer. That will be my second career if I born again. & food critic. I love taste good foods, wines, & Champagnes. I think y have the best everything.

  2. Suk – the last GOOD movie I saw was Up In the Air with George Clooney. Go see it, you will like it!

  3. I thin you are missing the point: is a parodie of B-movies, and I mean 80-s action B-movies. Most of the cast are from this style of movies, free, violent scenes, so, what we get here is a B-movie. Old action heros with a lot of bullets, explotions y blood. It’s all fans need.

    I can’t tell you: this movie wasn’t made to win an Academy award

  4. I hear you Alessandro, but this one doesn’t feel like a true B movie, it’s more like they were really trying to make a movie, IMHO. Now Machete, THAT’s a real B movie. Have you seen it?

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