Things to look forward to as I age (can’t wait)

While this particular blog entry has absolutely nothing to do with Life in Merida from the Neurotic Foregners POV, the aging process is, nevertheless, a universal topic among members of my social circle and one with which I becoming increasingly familiar.

I look forward to becoming technologically impaired; that decisive moment when I decide that whatever technology is ‘new’ and therefore incomprehensible to me and just dismiss it as ‘stupid’ is a moment that will inevitably come, especially given the grade of neurosis I already posess. The new ‘FaceBook’ of the future will seem to me to be an invasion of privacy and just ridiculous and I won’t be able to figure out what the hell it’s good for, if anything. I will refuse to engage in conversation with my offspring, who will attempt to convince me of the benefits of adopting the new technology, that I have nothing to fear, that it is a good way to see what the grandchildren are up to. My derision will be accompanied by much shaking of my grey-haired head and moving my right hand from an over the shoulder and near my right ear position to a below the waist position (with an open palm, facing downward). These two actions will be taken while walking away from the person I am supposedly having a conversation with.

I look forward to not comprehending the significance of the future version of the CC button on the future equivalent of emails. I will complain therefore, in my self-pitying way, that it is craaaazy that people cannot communicate with each other normally and that I don’t understand if I just sent an email to one person that all the others didn’t get the message. I will not see that adding another email address in the future equivalent of the “TO” field on an email is not really that difficult and that I don’t have to go out in the winter cold, chop down a tree, put up a satellite dish and install another computer to send several emails at once.

I also look forward to forgetting how to spell my offsprings or their significant others names. To me, it’s all the same and I won’t understand the fuss and how could that tiny triviality possibly be any indicator of the depth of my feelings for that person or the significant other in question. Why are they all so grumpy, I will ask myself.

I anticipate (and this is already happening) abhorring (is it one R or two?) social engagements where loud music and loud conversation at too-large tables result in me staring abjectly at the people across the table, with whom I am unable to communicate beyond the occasional raised eyebrow and shoulder movements resembling dejected shrugs. The volume will put me in a foul mood that only a hasty exit to a more quiet environment can remedy, thereby forfeiting my right, should I be in Merida, to the lukewarm catered meal served at midnight as a strategy to keep us old folks hostage beyond the time we would normally tolerate the assault on our nervous system.

I will cope with and accept the increasing limits that aging puts on my body, from the newly discovered impossibility of climbing on the roof to enter my home when I have forgotten the house key, to the pain in my finger joints when I try writing as a method of communication as opposed to a keyboard (which funnily enough produces no such irritation).

There are many more things I look forward to as I reach the ripe old age of a half-century, and many of those will be positive I am sure. But this morning, I felt compelled to write about some of the less-than-stellar moments that I can look forward to (and I haven’t even touched on the GI tract).

Happy 2011!

9 thoughts on “Things to look forward to as I age (can’t wait)

  1. William, do not feel bad. I am working with 20′ 30’40, now I am 51yrs old, they called me mama suk & all medical technology I have to deal with everyday, I am still amazing I still can keep up with them. I did not know FB, no iPhone , did not know how to text my other phone. But working with young generation, good thing, I can still learning & try to open mind about learning. I do not how long I can keep up with this but as long as I can do it I will not totally retire bc I will lose my capability to keep up with all great mystery future tech. So do not feel bad we all get old, cannot escape. Just enjoy every moment & hang out with younger generation also. And accept it & do not give yourself hard time. Y can’t do it all, that is the life. Y have a great life, think only positive & good think, do not hang out with negative people. Thanks to what we have good health. I am dealing with dying & very very sick pts, my view of life, what a blessing I am. We are not taking anything when EKG is flat line. We all are nake it & put in the white plastic bag & name tag on toe & plasic bag. So do now & get the bucket list, do it, we do not know what will happen tomorrow. Happy new year & have a good health, share love with people. Life is precious thing. Love suk

  2. I have noticed these tendencies slipping up on me, and I have almost 15 years on you. I’m increasingly irritated by telephones, not when other people use them but when I have to use them. In spite, they seem to refuse to work for me but as soon as someone younger picks it up it viciously works perfectly. I will not sit and listen to the explanation from the young on why this is. I do have an iPhone, but I don’t Facebook. I hate, hate, hate having to put on glasses to figure out the printer/scanner/fax. I hate having to ask for help even more though, so I do it.

    I still like loud music though, hey… I can hear it!

  3. Geez el maloso, you are only 50?? Man, I have 14 years on you buddy! I still like loud music, however, give me 60’s 70’s and 80’s tunes please. Technology doesn’t suck that much even though I seldom use Facebook. At least with Skype my hubby and I can talk and I don’t miss him as badly (the poor boy still must work back in Canada) My thumbs and wrists do hurt from arthritis but tequila keeps that at bay! i can still shake my booty even though it has fallen somewhat south. So even though we rant and rave about getting older, it is just like death and taxes . . . .inevitable!

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