Tag Archives: malls

In the Harbour, Sinking

Porfirios

The Casual Restaurant had a hankering for some meat in a place not too far from home and so gathered up the exceedingly understanding Better Half and headed for Merida’s favorite underwater parking destination: The Harbour.

In the Harbour, the Critic contracted valet parking at Porfirio’s and the hungry party of two was greeted by an attractive yet somewhat detached hostess who went through all the entrance protocols from gel and temperature to asking about food allergies and a few other things that have now escaped the Critic’s ancient addled brain.

The table designated for the two was facing a large, multi-inch flat-screen monitor showing music videos. Conversation was difficult as J-Lo, Britney, etc. accompanied the Critic and Better Half as they navigated the QR code menu on their smartphones. The music thumped as a server eventually popped by to ask if any libations were desired. The Critic asked for a whisky, a Makers Mark with some ice, but was informed by the somewhat uninterested server that this product did not exist among the impressive selection of bottles on display behind the massive bar.

Entonces qué whisky tienen?” asked the Critic, using the singular so as not to complicate things but the server responded dryly with a very short list that could have been found at an OXXO. Buchanan’s and so on. So, to keep things simple, the Critic skipped the whisky and ordered cerveza.

Better Half ordered up some esquites, the corn in a cup so popular on street corners, topped with fresh cheese, lime, and lord knows what else, to which the waiter replied that this was not much food ie. “Is that all you’re ordering?” Better Half kept her composure and insisted that this was quite enough along with a melted cheese (queso fundido) and caramelized onion appetizer. There was also the guacamole studded with rib eye chunks ordered for the centro. The waiter impassively noted everything on his little note pad. Or was it an iPad?

The Critic, meanwhile, ordered up a rib eye. The waiter asked how it should be cooked and away he went.

By this time, the Critic was convinced that this was probably the least motivated waiter in Porfirio’s. One assumes that both the server and the restaurant would be interested in increasing the amount sold per table so the whisky vs cerveza was in detriment to the overall bill. Then, there was no offering of additional items to accompany the steak which is something that happens in all steakhouses from Pappa’s in Houston to Sonora Grill or 130 Grados in Merida. In general, the service was lackadaisical and indifferent on this occasion.

The meat was good, not exceptional. About a fifth of it was that hard gristle fat that one can but probably should not eat, and of course, when the steak arrived, our server asked the Critic to cut the steak – in the middle por favor – to ensure that the meat had been cooked correctly. Now this always pisses the Critic off, as it’s like the restaurant, the waiter, the chef or whoever wants to cover their ass in case there is a complaint from the diner about the meat. I understand that enough diners do complain and that warrants this policy but still, it feels very kindergarten.

In the service department, the Critic must add that several times during the evening an obviously trained individual that looked like a supervisor stopped by to make sure that everything was OK.

No desserts were had and the bill, for the afore-mentioned food and a 10 percent tip which was the bare minimum for the bare minimum service received, came to just under $1500 pesos.

Speaking of dessert, and since it’s the Harbour, the excellent coffee and gelato shop Amorino is just around the corner!

Amorino

With a hankering for something sweet and thoughts of chocolate and hazelnut gelato swirling in the Critics brain, he decided that this was a good dessert option. One doesn’t visit The Harbour every day, and less so when it rains, so one must take advantage.

Lo and behold the bored individuals informed the Critic that there were only 4-5 flavors available, all of them fruit sherbets ie the ones that probably don’t sell as much.

One might assume that this is a supply-chain issue or that Amorino is closing? Who knows, no one could say. A grand disappointment.

Overall, this Harbour experience was less than stellar and in the Critic’s opinion, Porfirio’s and Amorino can be struck from any list of places one must visit when in Merida.

The Casual Restaurant Critic at Tostada Madre, Food Court, La Isla

Every once in a while, you will find yourself in a mall. And if you are in Cabo Norte, you will find yourself in La Isla, the new behemoth just north of the periférico at City Center. The mall has a food court and after careful examination and trial and error, the Critic has decided that the Tostada Madre restaurant is the best option, as long as you like seafood. And tostadas. Priced at between 70 and 120 pesos, each tostada is a mountain of deliciousness and the Critic highly recommends you give them a try.

For drinks of an alcoholic nature, you can order them from waiters passing by or the bar located in the middle of the food court. At the restaurants, the offerings are mostly sodas and local drinks like iced tea, horchata or jamaica.

Mojito from the bar

This is octopus, battered and deep fried on a corn tostada

Shrimp

Arrachera

Tuna, avocado, on a crispy cheese tostada

 

6 Places to Get Out of the Rain

It seems, for some strange reason, that the rains this June here in Merida and the Yucatan in general, are never-ending and the humidity is threatening the paint and stucco on your restored colonial in el centro. And there is the mould that is sprouting on belts, shoes, handbags and the gear in your dungeon playroom; ugh.

Here is a short list of six things to do or places to go while this west coast (of Canada) weather continues to hamper your tanning,  organic tomato-drying and other sun-related activities.

1. Trámites. If you don’t know what a trámite is, you are missing out. Trámites can be loosely translated as paperwork (usually) involving something to do with the government. The rainy season can be used as an excuse to visit some government agency and do some paperwork: perhaps you need a license renewed, which you can do at the Siglo XXI convention center and movie theater complex across from what used to be Carrefour. You can easily spend a half day there, asking questions, filling out a form or two, getting some photocopies made and generally enjoying the dry, somewhat air conditioned space. Reward yourself with some popcorn from the movie theater concession stand afterwards.  OR, perhaps something to do with Hacienda? Hacienda has a modern office on 60 street near Sam’s and is fully air conditioned, has plenty of seating and there are lot of other people in there as well, so you can practice your Spanish and perhaps make new friends. I would not recommend doing anything related to immigration as their waiting room is tiny and you may end up waiting outside under a tarp in the humidity waiting for a spot in the air conditioned waiting room. There’s a lot of waiting in that last sentence.

2. Movies. Rainy season is a great time to catch up on movies. Go to a decent movie theater like the Cinepolis complex at Altabrisa, which will afford you the opportunity to also spend time in the mall. Head out early in the morning and spend the day watching all the movies, back to back. Barring any power outages, you will have a great day, seated in air conditioned comfort and watching potentially decent movies and overdosing on candy corn which is quite good at Cinepolis. TIP: Avoid the movie Maléfica, with Angelina Jolie. It is truly hideous and you will feel your toes curl in pena ajena embarrassment for her. What was she thinking? She actually produced as well as starred in this drivel.

3. Mall time. Great time to go to a mall! The best mall is Altabrisa, where you can spend the better part of the day, especially when combined with a visit to the Cinepolis movie theaters (mentioned in the previous paragraph if you’re just skipping through this). Figure for an hour or two at Starbucks, people watching and drinking expensive but great coffee. Visit the Haagen Dazs shop and eat an ice cream that will cost as much as a dinner for seven at any panuchería downtown. Another hour or two can be spent at the Sanborns magazine rack, reading through anything of interest there. A movie will kill an hour and a half as well. There is a grocery store if you are so inclined as well as several restaurants upstairs such PF Chiangs, IHOP, California Pizza Kitchen, among others.

4. Serious grocery shopping. If you are used to the hustle and bustle, the grime and the crowds of the markets downtown, a rainy day is a good opportunity to visit a big grocery store in the norte of the city. Perhaps Comercial Mexicana or Chedraui or, what the hell, Walmart. Please note that Walmart here is not the same as trashy Walmart in the US; it is a more upscale experience and you will not find the g-string-clad and balding 65 year old with his gym pants around his knees shopper here. You can also enjoy the interesting concept at La Comer, for example, of laying out raw meat on giant tables with a little ice underneath, the carne exposed in all it’s raw nakedness, edges curling, to the supermarket air and people sneezing, coughing and poking with fingers. Nevermind the science that has evolved over several hundred years regarding temperature requirements for the storage of raw meat. The store is air conditioned so that is enough, apparently. And while the meat is placidly rotting, notice the ham and cheese ladies who are obliged to wear disposable masks. Does anyone else think this is somewhat incongruous or is it just me? Hmm. Cruise the aisles and look for interesting items you may have previously thought were not available here, like the Spam, located near the Paté du Canard. A gourmet item, surely.

5. Museum time. You might spend a day at the new Mayan museum, built to honor all things Mayan with money that could have been better spent on actual Mayans still living in abject poverty to this day. But who am I to know about these things and the deci$ion$ made by the powers that be. It’s all about promotion. Keep in mind that a visit to the museum might be thwarted if some dignitary is visiting the convention center nearby and the entire area is sealed off by the state police and men in white guayaberas, khaki pants and earpieces. These guys are the estado mayor and take care of presidential level security, so don’t expect any sympathy from them when you try to explain that you came all the way from Santiago by bus and were really wanting to see the how the meteor killed the dinosaurs at the museum.

6. Stay home. A great time to read, clear up your email inbox, file and label those papers you have been stacking in a pile near the door. Of course if the CFE doesn’t cooperate you will need candles and reading glasses as the power will flicker out and you sit in the damp, warm darkness listening to the lovers quarrel, cats mating, dogs barking or the roosters crowing just below your window. At that point you might consider renting a room at the Hyatt, which is what the well-to-do locals are prone to do during a hurricane.

I hope this list comes in time for you, dear reader, to take advantage of it and enjoy the rest of your mouldy day.